Three Entries In 16 Days

From my journal:

Monday, October 15 3:15 p.m.

The lack of correspondence I have had with this little book, my loyal and always attentive companion, of late should serve as some signal to the enthralling and constant demands on my attention. My inability to spare empty moments for the necessary release of tension and extraneous thoughts that I collect signals the amount of anxiety that plagues me. Now I am faced by the sorry statistic of these three entries over the past sixteen days (one of which was interrupted and thus ends midway through the fifth sentence), and the thought of making up for lost time is almost as stressful as chucking this book into Lake Michigan and never writing again.

What is my life coming to?

FAFSA

In filling out the FAFSA for Kent, my mama sent me her employment information, etc.:

Elizabeth,

I’m guessing what you need:

The Antioch Company

888 Dayton Street

Yellow Springs, Ohio 45387

(937) 767-7379

Position: Executive Assistant to CEO

Dates of employment: 5/01 through present

Base pay: $50,190

Current weight: 134

Diet: Low carb

Hair color: Macaroon Chocolate

Eyes: Clear blue

Attitude: Generally optimistic

Spirituality: Catholic with hints of pagan

Party status: Life of

Does this help?

Love,

Mama

Leaving Early

I recently made the decision to transfer from DePaul University in Chicago to Kent State in Ohio. The reasons are many - a better journalism program, lower tuition and living costs, proximity to family, the opportunity to study abroad for an entire academic year, and Colin's decision to transfer there last year.

It's nothing personal, Chicago people. I've watched Colin go through the challenge of detachment from this city we call home, and it hasn't been easy.

Thanks For The Memories

I've spent the past week in my hometown of Yellow Springs, Ohio. It's suffocatingly small and full of the characters of past, renounced life.

Refreshingly, this week I spontaneously saw some of the former "A" gang. I visited my high school. I cuddled with my family and napped on the screened-in porch. I squeezed in an extra weekend with Colin, and I watched my little brother win his soccer game.

And so, for not resurfacing pain, remorse, gossip, nor negativity, I thank you, Yellow Springs. I remember now that I love to be here.

But Really...

I didn't have to be such a jerk about it.

Sometimes my inability to express anger coherently and calmly really works against me.

Tarnished

This weekend I was so utterly betrayed by my greatest confidant. I was too quick to dismiss the wrong that was done and as a result I feel unjustified in being angry and disappointed.

But fuck that. I am disappointed and hurt, and afraid.

I've never felt so unclean in my whole life.